Playing With Fire.
Spiritual enlightenment, quantum entanglement, metaphysics, collective consciousness… new-age spiritualism has drawn attention from both social media influencers and the scientific community alike, and people are here for it. However, there is one concerning aspect of contemporary philosophy that is rising in popularity: The Theory of Twin Flames.
As mainstream artists like Taylor Swift draw attention through song lyrics like the ones in her song, All Too Well, people may be left unclear on what a “twin flame” is.
“Did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you, too?”
― Taylor Swift, All Too Well
“Twin Flame” is a term used to describe the idea of a relationship rooted in spiritualism that is purposed to aid in individual growth. The concept of twin flames is mentioned across many religions, such as Hinduism, Kabbalists, Buddhism, and many new-age spiritual movements. The term’s origin stems from Greek mythology when Zeus split two humans, who were created somewhat like Siamese twins, in half.
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
― Plato, The Symposium
Present interpretation describes a twin flame experience as a spiritual connection that dates back to before your first memory (Prophet, 2018). People often describe a “twin flame” as someone they feel a strong connection with, almost as if they have known them all their life or possibly in another life (O’Malley, 2023). They may share many of the same interests, values, and morals, and may have gone through similar traumas in life while their contrasting qualities may complement one another or bring a sense of wholeness (Wehmeyer, 2022). Many times, people find their twin flame in a romantic partner, however these bonds are not limited to romantic relationships (O’Malley, 2023). They serve as the person who will help you grow through the most difficult transitions in life by enhancing self-awareness and unconditional love (Kirsch, 2021). This might be felt through a bond with someone who inspires you to grow, or who at times seems to know how to push your buttons in just the right way to trigger all the “right” responses (Wehmeyer, 2022).
So why the concern over having a "twin flame?" I'm so glad you asked…
The intense nature of twin flame relationships can lead some people to mistake toxic partners to be a twin flame (PureTwinFlames, 2020) . At times, this misunderstanding is based on the belief that twin flames hold a responsibility to grow by learning how to love unconditionally (Wehmeyer, 2022). While that is one of the beautiful concepts regarding these bonds, a toxic partner is not your twin flame and the purpose of having a twin flame is not to teach you how to tolerate abuse (PureTwinFlames, 2020).
Let’s take a look at 5 signs that your “twin flame” may actually be a toxic partner:
Twin flames are NOT a reason for people to stay in abusive relationships. That is not the lesson life is trying to give you. Twin flames are supposed to challenge us, to push us to the places we need to grow through (O’Malley, 2023). They are not a reason to tolerate mental abuse, gaslighting, stonewalling, or physical abuse (PureTwinFlames, 2020). A lesson in life does not mean learning to tolerate mistreatment. It can be heartbreaking to see someone enduring abuse in the name of growth. Staying in these dangerous relationships (toxic, not twin flame) is detrimental to you, your life, and your growth! By staying, you are identifying someone else as more important than your mental health and peace. That is in the opposite direction of growth.
Twin flames do NOT play the “run and chase” game in relation to cycles of abuse. Cycles of abuse involve a pattern of tension, abuse, reconciliation, and then a period of calm. The run and chase dynamics in a Twin Flame bond refer to when one partner runs from conflict or discomfort in an attempt to avoid vulnerability or because they are unable to deal with difficult emotions (PureTwinFlames, 2020). While many twin flames go through a period after the honeymoon phase where the relationship is tested and at times dissolves, twin flames who decide to work through their issues together can get to a period of vulnerability to help one another heal (O’Malley, 2023). When one person wants to escape the relationship while the other partner tries to save the relationship because they feel at fault for being “abandoned,” or they may be struggling to let go of the relationship even though they are being abused, this is a different story (keyword: HELP. Remember, this is still a journey of personal growth). This brings us to the next point…
Twin flames are NOT codependent partners (Sreevani et al., n.d.). They do not want to control you or fix you. Their happiness does not reside in you becoming who you need to be. If the ultimate goal of your partner is to show you all the ways YOU need to grow, they’re probably not a twin flame. When a partner begins losing themselves in their partner, that is a sign that something is askew. Twin flames don’t believe they are carbon copies of one another, nor do they want to be. They trust that life will shape both halves (both people) as they’re meant to grow. Sometimes that means you will be separated again until the next spiritual reunion... and that is ok because that is normal for twin flame bonds and based on the foundation of what this bond is believed to be, they trust the process (O’Malley, 2023).
Twin flames are NOT a “trauma bond” (Yearwood, 2021). That is another term we see and hear often in mainstream media... trauma bonding. Well, it is a very real occurrence and bonding over trauma and possibly romanticizing someone as your twin flame because of it does NOT make them your twin flame. Now someone who has been through similar trauma COULD help you grow through healthy vulnerability and repairing your attachment issues together, talk about a future power couple in the making, but that is still not a tell-tale sign the person is your twin flame.
Twin flames are NOT an abuser you are destined to help grow and be a better person. I hate that I have to go here, but it’s got to be said: You are not here to fix them! Please know the possible signs of an abuser, such as possessiveness, extreme jealousy, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, guilt trips/blame, embarrassing a partner or humiliation, violence (towards a human or animal), demeaning talk, harassment, sexual abuse (no is no even in a relationship), accusations, mental abuse, and more. Allowing yourself to be treated in these ways is not in like with the premise of what a twin flame relationship is. If you or someone you love are being abused, please reach out. We’re here to help.
So, what is a “twin flame?” New age literature describes the Twin Flame journey as one of growth, empowerment, expansion, and unconditional love (Kirsch, 2021). It’s not a soulmate, rather, the other half of who you are (Prophet, 2018). They tend to be someone who takes you out of your comfort zone into the deep end but doesn’t stick out a hand to keep you afloat. Someone who does NOT hold your hand in the hard times but also does not make them harder, rather they are someone who inspires you to do the work. They may trigger you to deal with your abandonment issues by leaving if you fall into destructive patterns, or they may push you to seek growth by not tolerating your maladaptive habits. Many times they are someone who gets under your skin in all the ways you want to grow yourself (keynote, we tend to be bothered by things we don’t like about ourselves).
The point I’m making is that the concept of a “twin flame” is more likely someone who unknowingly pushes you to deal with difficult areas in your life that will result in you “ascending” to a better version of YOU. Because you have to deal with YOU yourself, and they are not here to fix you or to make things harder on you. They are simply a source of unconditional love meant to play a part in your personal evolution (Kirsch, 2019). Ultimately, a “twin flame” is someone you have love for on such a powerful level that they make you want to be your best version.
If you would like help exploring your twin flame relationship, we would love to be a part of your journey. These relationships can be intense. We understand that and are willing to be a helper as you seek growth to be the best twin flame partner you can be!
Hammer, O. (2016). Theosophical appropriations: Esotericism, Kabbalah, and the transformation of traditions (J. Chajes & B. Huss, Eds.; 21st ed., pp. 223–244). Ben-Gurion University of the Negev Press.
Kirsch, C. (2019). Closing the spiritual circle of life: transforming the heart of humanity. 10.6084/m9.figshare.9989537.v1.
Kirsch, C. (2021). Divine partnerships for the sanctification of humanity. Amazon Publishing.
O’Malley, L. (2023, February 28). Understanding twin flames: Institute of Noetic sciences. IONS. https://noetic.org/blog/understanding-twin-flames/
Prophet, E. C. (2006). Maitreya on initiation: the coming Buddha who has come. Summit University Press.
Prophet, E. C. (2018). Finding a higher love. Summit University Press.
PureTwinFlames. (2020, November 13). Can twin flames be toxic? [and what to do]. Medium. https://twinflameguides.medium.com/can-twin-flames-be-toxic-and-what-to-do-4afa95358e82
Sreevani, K., Anierudhe, V., & Shashaank, V. (n.d.). Journal of critical reviews bridging Hindu mythology and contemporary era: karmic substances and telomeres. Retrieved September 28, 2023, from https://www.jcreview.com/admin/Uploads/Files/61cdaf5015c246.25590211.pdf
Wehmeyer, J. L. (2022, January 1). The science of twin flames. Medium. https://julie-67100.medium.com/the-science-of-twin-flames-4dba6432d4fe
Yearwood, K. M. (2021, February 26). Trauma bond or twin flame? The 9th Cup. https://medium.com/the-sacred-mindset-recovery-lab/trauma-bond-or-twin-flame-43b1551cf9cd